Thy mother took into her blameful bed some stern untutor'd churl...whose fruit thou art...
As any disgruntled foreigner lost in Denmark will tell you, there is Certain Type of Person who will like to meet each and every umbrage regarding Dannish Life with stock phrases of dismissive slant.
You might have a hair to split over the standard of choice in ‘health-care’ in the DK, but the Certain Type of Person will brush it off with something along the lines of “Oh well, I suppose you would rather be in Haiti?” or “Well, at least you don’t have to grapple with insurance!” and my all time personal fave, usually delivered with dancing sadistic eyes: “I’ve never had a problem with the hospitals here, and I’ve had both legs amputated and my ears transplanted to my buttocks!”
Certain Types of People see it as their life time mission, while residing (or indeed stuck) in Denmark, to defend Denmark and the Way of the Danshish to the death. But there are aspects of life here that cannot be defended.
One being: pedestrian life.
Sidewalks, or pavements as they are called in the London Land (England to non tourists), are like an afterthought in the planning of towns and villages in Denmark. They don’t really exist, and when paved areas are supposedly made available for pedestrians, it isn’t as straight forward as one might hope.
Most tourists use the cycle paths to amble along, because they LOOK like sidewalks. Ah, but look again, you are not supposed to walk along a place designated for bikes. Glance just to the side of the cycle path and the most you can hope for is a ten inch wide strip of paving to tiptoe along as cars and bikes race at break neck speed and cause you to go off balance. Take it from me, ten inches is never as big as it sounds.
In rural areas the greedy farmers have made good use of the laws that allowed them to uproot ancient hedgerows and in so doing allowed yet more profit from the land. They have that extra space to plant up and reap so they can take their well nourished kids to Lalandia..
So you’ll have farmed land right up to the hilt, then a ditch, then a cycle path and then a busy road.
If you’ve ever been to rural England (or any other place where the countryside is something to be enjoyed) you will remember that people TAKE WALKS, but you won’t see much of that in rural Denmark. It’s not just that cars don’t expect to see people on the back roads here, it’s also that there is no place to step to the side should you need to stand out of the way of a tractor or speeding car. The farmers have taken the land right up to the roads. And the twee little country houses here are often right on the tarmac too.
But then, who expects a sidewalk in a rural area? Not me.
But I do expect a place to walk in the city.
Next time you are out, notice that pedestrians are asked to pick their way through life in Denmark, and that the cycle fascists are actually supreme over the walker.
Good lord, and then there are those awful women who put their kids in those fashionable Danish ‘casket’ sized perambulators. What a sight! Great big tugboats on massive wheels and they expect YOU to get out of their way?
Somewhere in that tugboat is a bloated grub of a baby, feeding off the microscopic nutrients that can be sucked off a plastic pacifier. It is hidden under twelve duvets to facilitate ‘airing’ (or ‘mother’s coffee opportunity’) in the afternoon, and will at some point crawl laboriously and with little grunts, in manner of little joey, out of it’s pouch and into ‘vuggestue’ life. So mummy can have her coffee at work instead of in a cafe with one eye on a massive casket chaped perambulator.
Thank goodness many of the so called ‘handicapped’ people formed in Denmark are - after tests and before viability – plucked from the womb. So we don’t have to worry about things like equal access for the disabled. I can’t see how any sidewalk in Denmark supports proper access for people in hand operated wheelchairs and people who might stagger or loll.
Which leads me to people in motorised chairs. You might think they deserve the sympathy vote but they don’t. They haven’t been born wonky or suffered a terrible accident. No, those lunatics you see hurtling about in their electric chairs (paid for out of OUR taxes no doubt) they are, nine times out of ten, alcoholics.
Alcoholics in Denmark are a huge drain on the ‘free health-care’ system. Many of them end up unable to walk due to complications that abound once you’ve been drinking oneself into an utter state for a few years, and it is you and I who end up footing the bill, and having to dodge the bleary eyed demons when they are speeding along in those high tech go carts.
These people abuse the cycle paths and abuse the sidewalks and make a mockery of the idea of a walking street.
I refuse to keep a civil tongue in my head and like to loudly remind these lame alcoholics on wheels that the street is designated for “WALKING NOT DRVING!”. They drive too fast.
If I could have it my way, the alcoholics in Denmark would be left to die cold and lonely in the streets, just as it was in the old days. Whose idea was it to give them an early pension and all sorts of pleasant drugs for free? And motorized chairs?
And we are left with a little strip of cobbles? To ruin our nice shoes?
It’s all a joke, a ghastly ghastly joke that isn’t funny.
On a lighter note, Iceland: YOU ROCK! xxxxx
Plus: I am a bit late to this story, but apparently a Danish photographer had a little bit of a scuffle with rapper 50 cent’s bodyguard and then came out of it bleating: “We are not used to this kind of thing in Denmark!”
To which I say: hahahahahhahaha. Oh Danshish, so funny. Actually, watching the video of the event HERE, I can say I am almost sure I know that bodyguard from somewhere and if it is who I think it is he is an uncommonly patient creature and has probably merely been pushed to the edge by the price of a good time Danish Stylee.
And can you hear some jerk calling the police? Who hangs out waiting for 50 Cent and then gets straight on the police when there is a ruckus? ONLY in Denmark my friends, only in Denmark, place of the uncool smartypants.
*cringe*
OMYGOODNESS – and somehow this means we have come full circle:
“Han sagde, at vi skulle skride, hvortil vi kun kunne sige, at man altså gerne må stå på de danske fortove. Men der var ikke meget at diskutere. Han gik decideret til angreb på os, forklarer Uffe Kongsted til ekstrabladet.dk”
Translation: *affects singsong smarmy Danshish* “..man altså gerne må stå på de danske fortove…”
Over to you GOOGLETRANSLATE: “He said we should act to which we could only say that words like must stand on the Danish sidewalks. But there was not much to discuss. He went decidedly to attack us,” says Uffe Kongsted to ekstrabladet.dk “
Or in English because Google Translate is crap:
“He said, that we should piss off, to which we could only say that one is ALLOWED to stand on the Danish sidewalks. But there wasn’t much to discuss, he decided to attack us”, explained Uffe Kongsdick to Extra Bleurget.”
To be quite frank, I sort of don’t blame him.
Some deeplinks here:
http://politiken.dk/indland/article923698.ece
