Danish ‘People’ Party framing ‘Somalians’.

Not a great surprise,  but the story is simple.  Danish Twisted as Fuck ‘People’ Party (Danske Folke Parti) pretending that ‘Somalians’ are sending their leader deaththreats.  I can believe this one.

This story had ‘FRAME’ written all over it. DFP are great at fanning flames.  And you know, if it walks like shit, it talks like shit, it smells like shit:  it is shit.

Even if DFP weren’t behind this as a stunt,  I could still believe they were capable of it.

http://politiken.dk/indland/article906005.ece

Jeeze, you know, sometimes I think That Dog Pia and her puppies are getting to be worse than the Social Democrats!  What’s the world coming to eh?

That Dog.

..and one of her sick little puppies.

Oh don’t worry, in Denmark it is okay to MOCK.  That is what free speech is all about.  Mocking and being nasty, that is what tolerance is all about.  Mocking, and being nasty.  Woops,  but um, maybe I overstepped the line by mocking and being nasty about public Danish figures??? I better sort that out.

Edit:  above captions should read “A Somalian Muslim” (Picture one) and “A Muslim Prophet” (Picture two).

Phew, glad I got that sorted out.

Remember kids,  in Denmark we are careful about who we mock.

Edit:  newsflash:  perhaps the social democrats are not so crap after all,  turns out at least a couple of members have real balls.  See here:

http://politiken.dk/politik/article906321.ece

Basically,  a social democrat saying:  “Enough is enough you horrid little Danish ‘People’ Party loons.”

Helping you with your Dannish: LETTERS and GERMANY.

You need to know that the letter ‘W’ doesn’t exist in Dannish, but that they compensate for it by having five extra letters:  ‘¤’  (pronounced:  ‘aoooawoo’),  ‘§’ (pronounced ‘uuuuurrrrrrrrrhhhuu’),  ‘æ’ (pronounced: ‘aaaurgh’),  ‘%’ (pronounced: ‘oow’) and ‘ø’ (which is pronounced the same as you read it).

Don’t worry, you WILL get the hang of it eventually.  You just have to give it some time.  Try to be part of the solution, and not just a problem.

In Denamark, at birth all children are stamped with a number and are tested to see if they are ‘A’ people or ‘B’ people.

If you haven’t been tested yet, it is wise you get tested as soon as possible, otherwise you won’t know what sort of a person you are.

In layman’s terms an ‘A’ person is someone who likes to get up early and stay up really late and a ‘B’ person is someone who likes to go to bed really early and get up really early.   Until 1991 there was a type C, that being someone who liked to empty the contents of cigarettes onto a foil tray and burn it, then use the scorched dried tobacco to make horrid second rate joints out of the cheapest flat press available,  but that all died out when every body grew up and got proper jobs as sagsbehandlers. Or went to college to be pædagogs.

So now it’s just A or B. It’s important you understand the system because otherwise you won’t know what you are.

It is also meget meget important you understand a little of how Denmark was shaped before you go opening your mouth about all that Flagism.  Denish are highly proud of their flag and there is a reason.  The war with Germany in 1898 meant that Denmark lost a huge chunk of it’s land. This had to hurt.

It is a little known fact, but true.  There was a big war and Denmark lost half of Denmark and now it belongs to the Germans. In a vengeful mood, the Danish made a law that prevented Germans from buying summer houses here.  Any more.

It is a little known fact that the Germans had planned to take over Denmark once more,  by buying up all the summer houses (summer houses constitute two thirds of all buildings in coastal Denmark, one third in rural areas and a half a third in urban areas).  But they were thwarted.

But this doesn’t explain why there are so many German newspapers being sold in the Summer House neighborhoods.  There are many.  My suspicion is that Germans are somehow slipping into Denmark and RENTING all the summer houses in lieu of buying them up.  Somehow they always win over Denmark whatever happens,  because this means, they get to stay here, read their newspapers wander round naked and gobble their huge sausages and then leave without having to wipe the grease spots off the bedheads and door mantels.

Personally, I think the best thing to do would be for Denmark to take back the bit of Denmark stolen by the Germans.  What we need is a local war.  This would solve so many problems.  The immigrants would suddenly be wanted if conscription was brought in (link to Danish Newspapers covering how Immigrants breed like rabbits),  and we would all club together.

I say, move all the summer houses to the southern part of Denmark, and then once all the Germans are in, lets turn it into a high security prison camp and hold them hostage until we get what is ours back!

Give us Denmark back!

‘Skadet danskere provokere fanatisme Publishing Kurt Westergaard’s cartoon var en aggressiv handling født i Danmark’s modvilje mod at respektere religiøs overbevisning’

I’m not a BIG fan of google translate,  but you know, many danes find it useful to understanding Engrish, and just this once, I’ve been persuaded.  Usually, when I want to translate anything from Danish to English,  I sit and translate it properly,  which is especially important when decrypting the Danish of Denmark where you’ll find a nipple is a breast wart and someone who doesn’t have completely clean flour in the bag is a total lunatic.

Plenty of times I’ve translated Danish ‘news articles’ into Engrish for the benefit of those who don’t won’t can’t speak Dannish.  Politiken is pathetically barren when it comes to articles in English, and the Copenhagen Post?  Ye Gads, less said the betta.

But it is high time we started translating Engrish into Dannish for the benefit of our Denish readers,  who really do miss out.  And not just on proper food neither.  The Danes at large miss out on so much because there just isn’t the space for it here.    But we need to MAKE space.  Danes need us here.  We are here for a reason, ask Oprah.  It’s all part of some great divine plan.  We are needed, people!!!!  Do what you can to help.

So without further preamble, I lead you into my first sojourn into Google Translate. I gave it a well written article by some bird named Nancy Graham Holm, who got published in the broadsheet ‘The Guardian’.  (Article originally entitled ‘Prejudiced Danes provoke fanaticism’.)

Take it away, Google Translate:

“På New Year’s Day, kom Kurt Westergaard og hans barnebarn tæt på at miste livet, da en økse-wielding fanatiker trængt ind i deres hus. Det var den seneste i en række forsøg på angreb, der kan spores direkte til den strafbare handling forårsaget af Westergaard’s cartoon for danske avis Jyllands-Posten i 2005.

Hans tegneserie afbildet profeten Muhammed i en turban med en stang dynamit stikker ud fra toppen. Muslimer har undladt at se Westergaard’s cartoon som satire. Stedet, de så i det en fornærmende og ydmygende besked: muslimer er terrorister. Ydmygelse er en ødelæggende følelse. Men de fleste mennesker, der er fornærmede vil acceptere en undskyldning. Hvis en undskyldning var blevet kommende fra den daværende statsminister, Anders Fogh Rasmussen, at der sandsynligvis ville have været ende på det – men ingen kom, og ydmygelsen blev forværret.

Tre måneder senere flere imamer pakkede deres dokumentmapper og bærbare computere og bestilt flybilletter til Mellemøsten. De transporteres med dem en 43-siders dokument, skabt af en gruppe danske muslimske præster fra flere organisationer. Denne såkaldte Akkari-Laban dossieret var designet til at forelægge deres sag og anmode om støtte til deres harme. Danmark blev en “fjende af islam”, og dette resulterede i landets værste udenrigspolitiske krise siden Anden Verdenskrig.

Hvorfor har redaktionen på Jyllands-Posten vil håne islam på denne måde? Nogle af os troede det var i dårlig smag og også grusom. Forsætlig ydmygelse er en aggressiv handling. Som en journalist nu bor i samme by som Westergaard, tænkte jeg nogle på Jyllands-Posten havde handlet som gnaven unge. Danskere ikke kan se, at de har udviklet et samfund, dybt mistænksomme over for religion. Dette er det virkelige problem mellem Danmark og muslimske ekstremister, der ikke ytringsfrihed. Det frie samfund forskrift er blot et forsøg på at give gerningsmændene den moralske høje jorden, når det i virkeligheden er et skalkeskjul for en dybt rodfæstet fordom, ikke mod muslimer, men mod religionen i sig selv. Muslimer er forelskede i deres tro. Og mange danskere er mistænksomme over for alle, der elsker religion.

På den sidste dag i American Society for Muslim Advancement’s konference i 2006, Flemming Rose, Jyllands-Postens kulturredaktør, der anmodede om Muhammed-tegningerne, aftalt at mødes de delegerede og tog mere end en times spørgetid. Jeg oplevede denne udveksling og beundrede hans ærlighed.

“Er du slet ikke religiøs?” nogen spurgte ham. “Nej fleste danskere er ikke religiøs,” svarede han. “Godt så … kan du ikke mindst at respektere religiøse mennesker?” “Nej, egentlig ikke,” Rose svarede oprigtigt. “Generelt mener jeg, danskerne er lidt mistænksomme over for religiøse mennesker.”

Danskerne er ikke mere racistiske end nogen andre vestlige nation, men mange af dem, især intellektuelle, har alvorlige problemer med religiøse troende. Westergaard har været på besøg i Amerika og holde foredrag om sin rolle i 2005-Muhammed Muhammed-krise. I New York den 30. september sagde han til publikum, at muslimer er nødvendigt at udvikle en sans for humor og en vurdering af satire. De skal forstå, at de ikke er “fri for at blive hånet eller at blive fornærmet”.

Ser det natlige nyheder i februar 2006 var en rystende affære for de fleste danskere. De så deres flag brænde i gaderne i Damaskus, Beirut og Teheran. De cringed som demonstranter skreg voldelige slogans og oprørerne angreb deres ambassader. Politiet affyrede i skarer, der resulterede i mere end 100 dødsfald.

Nu danskerne vil ikke ned, og de få, men skæbnesvangert sindssyg radikale ekstremister vil fortsætte kampen. Den første større reaktion kom i januar 2008, hvor dansk politi anholdt en celle af ekstremister, der var anklaget for at planlægge Westergaard mordet. Der er 87 mænd i Danmark med navnet Kurt Westergaard og alle af dem nu har politiet beskyttelse. Fire måneder senere, selvmordsbombere angreb den danske ambassade i Islamabad, 30 sårede og dræbte seks. Al-Qaeda tog æren for angrebet, hævdede, at det var gengældelse for tegningerne og de 700 danske soldater i Afghanistan. I oktober 2008 blev to mænd dømt i danske domstole for at forberede et terrorangreb.

Denne gang Westergaard’s angriberen blev fanget – men en anden person derude venter på en lejlighed til at slå til igen.”
Now I’ve read it through, I have the distinct impression that maybe the journalist wrote it in Danish first and used google translate to turn it Engrish.

I am a little confused by this article though, because it doesn’t seem to really go anywhere.

*sigh*

Oh by the way, I am looking to commission a series of cartoons depicting an elderly cartoonist running for cover in a safe room leaving his infant grandchild alone with a mad axeman wearing a turban with a bomb poking out the top.  Any offers?

Once I was afraid, I was petrified.

Cool things about Danish Culture – #1: Taking shoes off before entering living quarters.

It seems really gross now, to see people wandering around inside their houses, with their outside shoes on.  Entire families sit down for dinner – with their shoes on.  People flop on sofas,  and even put their shoes on the sofas!  Ug.

Now here is a cool thing about Danish Culture:  you take your shoes off when you are entering someone’s living quarters.  Even the workmen do it.  The guy who came to fix my somethingorother, first thing he did:  took his shoes off.  Very sweet, big ole guy in his worksuit,  and then his little feet in toweling sports socks…it still seems cute.

Tradesmen and workmen in other cultures, especially the Brit culture, they are noteworthy as slobs and fools, who tread dirt and dog shit through your house and will pointblank refuse to take their shoes off if you ask them.

But in Denmark, people take their shoes off, and this is a great help.  The clean lines of the wooden floors are also easy to keep clean, and there is none of that dreadful wall to wall shag carpeting reeking of dogs that is popular in other cultures.

Internationals from cultures who do not observe the removal of shoes soon have to think ahead when going on visits,  and it is advisable that the expat stock up on good socks.  If you are visiting your husbands rural cousins,  make sure that you wear good socks and carry a pair of woolen socks to put on, those draughty Jutland farmhouses can be very harsh on the feet.

Some householders like to go overboard and will have a little hospitality basket with various sizes and shapes of slippers for guests to slip on,  but I’d advise against using them.  You honestly don’t know where they have been, and who wants to share heel flakes with just anyone?

The only drawback to this custom would be that one can get cold feet from time to time, it can be embarrassing if you have missed your pedicure that month and you have a gnarled horn of a toenail sticking out of a thinning sock,  if you are wearing thigh high lace up boots it can be an awful drag to have to unlace and then lace up again, purely to sup coffee and dried out Christmas biscuits with Tante Bente,  and that bare feet rarely go with whatever outfit you have chosen…so you might as well slip into Danish comfort gear (velour tracksuits) straight off and not bother making an effort with your clothing.

So there we have it:   Cool things about Danish Culture – #1,  the practice of taking ones shoes off before entering a home leads to increased cleanliness.

OPEN QUESTION TO ANYONE CALLING THEMSELF A DANE: Has the practice of taking one’s shoes off been around for a long time?  Are there any extra special reasons why Danes do it, apart from the obvious (cleanliness)?

Coming soon:  Cool things about Danish Culture :  Sofa Life,  Amicable Divorce,  Children as Fashion Accessories,  IVF and Kids Get Free Drugs.

Danish Government to give 15,000 kroner to foreign women, if they learn to be Denish.

The Danish Government want to give foreign women 15,000 kroner to learn more about Denish and Denish FreeSpeechDemocracy. They will get the money once they have learnt the following important steps:

• freedom
• demoncracy
• julfrokost
• barbering
• bleach
• suntan
• pork
• sommerhus
• gummistovler
• komfuret
• sild
• skt hans
• skilsmissebarn
• jooolafTEn
• min mor
• farvel!
• hvorfor ikke?
• oi!  For Søren!
• hvad sÅ?
• p#rn
• så så

From a podium, Søren Mads Mikkel Jens Hansen Sørensen of the Danish Government said: “We are not going to get involved in people’s lives and families, but we will offer some cash that the foreign women and their husbands will understand.  So right now, on the table, we’ll offer 100,000 kroner to the foreign husbands who haven’t got a chance in hell of sitting through a full JulAften dinner with our mothers,  if they will get out of Denmark and not come back.  And we will offer 15,000 kroner to the foreign wives, because after all, you can still marry them, some of them are quite good looking, and my mother can eventually teach them to make æbleskiver the good old Danish way.”

Søren Mads Mikkel Jens Hansen Sørensen ( Integration Expert of the Danish Government) went on to say:  “A share of the foreign women want to take part in the Denish Way, but they are being held against their will by foreign hairy husbands who do not look Denish at all.  And they certainly don’t sound Denish when you hear them speaking in the kiosks.  These foreign husbands don’t want æbleskiver, so what good is that?”

He went on: “These foreign husbands have a ‘social control’ over the foreign women and it just isn’t Denish in practice,  they are not eating æbleskiver og heller igger grizzz.  It’s like you know, wearing a girdle.  We don’t want our women in girdles, we want them free and open and in thongs. The evil foreign socially controlling foreign man is telling the easily molded  foreign women what to do, when in actual fact,  we,  The DENISH Nation should be the ones telling them what to do.  It’s quite obvious, some of those women are beautiful, especially when they have all that make up on.  We can easily sort out those mustachios with a bit of bleach and wax.  With training it can be shown that those foreign women can speak Danish and with the lights off, you wouldn’t know they were in actual fact of another ethnic background than Denish.”

The 15,000 kroner deal has been created to reach the 10,000 foreign women who live in Denmark without any contact to a Danish Mother in Law.  Concerns have been raised when it was discovered that these 10,000 foreign women were often married to foreign men or had a foreign way of cooking or not getting their tits out on the beach.  Studies show that at least most of these women are at home taking care of their own children and not training to be ‘pædagog medhjælpers‘ (translation: overweight,  overemployed, overpaid babysitter helpers).

“Moves have been made to take the children out of these foreign women homes so as to pull up the weeds at the root and to make sure that those little urchins learn how to be Denish before it’s too late.  And of course to offer the foreign husbands money to leave Denmark..we honestly don’t have any other ideas, we don’t know how these men fit into our julfrokosts..half of them don’t even drink alcohol to excess.”  Said Pernille Inge Hansen Søren Sørensen (Danish Government).

An innocent bystander refused to comment but promised to have a little think about it when he had finished eating his æbleskiver.

A spokesthing for the Danish government was hasty to point out that the reason why the foreign women are being offered less money to stay and be denish than is being offered to foreign men to sod off and go and not be denish somewhere else is of course because one man equals two women, and that women or women minded need not trouble themselves with the details.

Addendum:  I think, as a foreign woman, if I am stuck between a rock and  a hard place,  I’d much rather be *socially controlled* up the ass by a foreign bloke than by the Denish System. Besides, the food is better, and we have ‘natural rhythm’.

(But either way,  a woman is not truly free in Denmark.)