Helping you with your Dannish: LETTERS and GERMANY.

You need to know that the letter ‘W’ doesn’t exist in Dannish, but that they compensate for it by having five extra letters:  ‘¤’  (pronounced:  ‘aoooawoo’),  ‘§’ (pronounced ‘uuuuurrrrrrrrrhhhuu’),  ‘æ’ (pronounced: ‘aaaurgh’),  ‘%’ (pronounced: ‘oow’) and ‘ø’ (which is pronounced the same as you read it).

Don’t worry, you WILL get the hang of it eventually.  You just have to give it some time.  Try to be part of the solution, and not just a problem.

In Denamark, at birth all children are stamped with a number and are tested to see if they are ‘A’ people or ‘B’ people.

If you haven’t been tested yet, it is wise you get tested as soon as possible, otherwise you won’t know what sort of a person you are.

In layman’s terms an ‘A’ person is someone who likes to get up early and stay up really late and a ‘B’ person is someone who likes to go to bed really early and get up really early.   Until 1991 there was a type C, that being someone who liked to empty the contents of cigarettes onto a foil tray and burn it, then use the scorched dried tobacco to make horrid second rate joints out of the cheapest flat press available,  but that all died out when every body grew up and got proper jobs as sagsbehandlers. Or went to college to be pædagogs.

So now it’s just A or B. It’s important you understand the system because otherwise you won’t know what you are.

It is also meget meget important you understand a little of how Denmark was shaped before you go opening your mouth about all that Flagism.  Denish are highly proud of their flag and there is a reason.  The war with Germany in 1898 meant that Denmark lost a huge chunk of it’s land. This had to hurt.

It is a little known fact, but true.  There was a big war and Denmark lost half of Denmark and now it belongs to the Germans. In a vengeful mood, the Danish made a law that prevented Germans from buying summer houses here.  Any more.

It is a little known fact that the Germans had planned to take over Denmark once more,  by buying up all the summer houses (summer houses constitute two thirds of all buildings in coastal Denmark, one third in rural areas and a half a third in urban areas).  But they were thwarted.

But this doesn’t explain why there are so many German newspapers being sold in the Summer House neighborhoods.  There are many.  My suspicion is that Germans are somehow slipping into Denmark and RENTING all the summer houses in lieu of buying them up.  Somehow they always win over Denmark whatever happens,  because this means, they get to stay here, read their newspapers wander round naked and gobble their huge sausages and then leave without having to wipe the grease spots off the bedheads and door mantels.

Personally, I think the best thing to do would be for Denmark to take back the bit of Denmark stolen by the Germans.  What we need is a local war.  This would solve so many problems.  The immigrants would suddenly be wanted if conscription was brought in (link to Danish Newspapers covering how Immigrants breed like rabbits),  and we would all club together.

I say, move all the summer houses to the southern part of Denmark, and then once all the Germans are in, lets turn it into a high security prison camp and hold them hostage until we get what is ours back!

Give us Denmark back!

‘Skadet danskere provokere fanatisme Publishing Kurt Westergaard’s cartoon var en aggressiv handling født i Danmark’s modvilje mod at respektere religiøs overbevisning’

I’m not a BIG fan of google translate,  but you know, many danes find it useful to understanding Engrish, and just this once, I’ve been persuaded.  Usually, when I want to translate anything from Danish to English,  I sit and translate it properly,  which is especially important when decrypting the Danish of Denmark where you’ll find a nipple is a breast wart and someone who doesn’t have completely clean flour in the bag is a total lunatic.

Plenty of times I’ve translated Danish ‘news articles’ into Engrish for the benefit of those who don’t won’t can’t speak Dannish.  Politiken is pathetically barren when it comes to articles in English, and the Copenhagen Post?  Ye Gads, less said the betta.

But it is high time we started translating Engrish into Dannish for the benefit of our Denish readers,  who really do miss out.  And not just on proper food neither.  The Danes at large miss out on so much because there just isn’t the space for it here.    But we need to MAKE space.  Danes need us here.  We are here for a reason, ask Oprah.  It’s all part of some great divine plan.  We are needed, people!!!!  Do what you can to help.

So without further preamble, I lead you into my first sojourn into Google Translate. I gave it a well written article by some bird named Nancy Graham Holm, who got published in the broadsheet ‘The Guardian’.  (Article originally entitled ‘Prejudiced Danes provoke fanaticism’.)

Take it away, Google Translate:

“På New Year’s Day, kom Kurt Westergaard og hans barnebarn tæt på at miste livet, da en økse-wielding fanatiker trængt ind i deres hus. Det var den seneste i en række forsøg på angreb, der kan spores direkte til den strafbare handling forårsaget af Westergaard’s cartoon for danske avis Jyllands-Posten i 2005.

Hans tegneserie afbildet profeten Muhammed i en turban med en stang dynamit stikker ud fra toppen. Muslimer har undladt at se Westergaard’s cartoon som satire. Stedet, de så i det en fornærmende og ydmygende besked: muslimer er terrorister. Ydmygelse er en ødelæggende følelse. Men de fleste mennesker, der er fornærmede vil acceptere en undskyldning. Hvis en undskyldning var blevet kommende fra den daværende statsminister, Anders Fogh Rasmussen, at der sandsynligvis ville have været ende på det – men ingen kom, og ydmygelsen blev forværret.

Tre måneder senere flere imamer pakkede deres dokumentmapper og bærbare computere og bestilt flybilletter til Mellemøsten. De transporteres med dem en 43-siders dokument, skabt af en gruppe danske muslimske præster fra flere organisationer. Denne såkaldte Akkari-Laban dossieret var designet til at forelægge deres sag og anmode om støtte til deres harme. Danmark blev en “fjende af islam”, og dette resulterede i landets værste udenrigspolitiske krise siden Anden Verdenskrig.

Hvorfor har redaktionen på Jyllands-Posten vil håne islam på denne måde? Nogle af os troede det var i dårlig smag og også grusom. Forsætlig ydmygelse er en aggressiv handling. Som en journalist nu bor i samme by som Westergaard, tænkte jeg nogle på Jyllands-Posten havde handlet som gnaven unge. Danskere ikke kan se, at de har udviklet et samfund, dybt mistænksomme over for religion. Dette er det virkelige problem mellem Danmark og muslimske ekstremister, der ikke ytringsfrihed. Det frie samfund forskrift er blot et forsøg på at give gerningsmændene den moralske høje jorden, når det i virkeligheden er et skalkeskjul for en dybt rodfæstet fordom, ikke mod muslimer, men mod religionen i sig selv. Muslimer er forelskede i deres tro. Og mange danskere er mistænksomme over for alle, der elsker religion.

På den sidste dag i American Society for Muslim Advancement’s konference i 2006, Flemming Rose, Jyllands-Postens kulturredaktør, der anmodede om Muhammed-tegningerne, aftalt at mødes de delegerede og tog mere end en times spørgetid. Jeg oplevede denne udveksling og beundrede hans ærlighed.

“Er du slet ikke religiøs?” nogen spurgte ham. “Nej fleste danskere er ikke religiøs,” svarede han. “Godt så … kan du ikke mindst at respektere religiøse mennesker?” “Nej, egentlig ikke,” Rose svarede oprigtigt. “Generelt mener jeg, danskerne er lidt mistænksomme over for religiøse mennesker.”

Danskerne er ikke mere racistiske end nogen andre vestlige nation, men mange af dem, især intellektuelle, har alvorlige problemer med religiøse troende. Westergaard har været på besøg i Amerika og holde foredrag om sin rolle i 2005-Muhammed Muhammed-krise. I New York den 30. september sagde han til publikum, at muslimer er nødvendigt at udvikle en sans for humor og en vurdering af satire. De skal forstå, at de ikke er “fri for at blive hånet eller at blive fornærmet”.

Ser det natlige nyheder i februar 2006 var en rystende affære for de fleste danskere. De så deres flag brænde i gaderne i Damaskus, Beirut og Teheran. De cringed som demonstranter skreg voldelige slogans og oprørerne angreb deres ambassader. Politiet affyrede i skarer, der resulterede i mere end 100 dødsfald.

Nu danskerne vil ikke ned, og de få, men skæbnesvangert sindssyg radikale ekstremister vil fortsætte kampen. Den første større reaktion kom i januar 2008, hvor dansk politi anholdt en celle af ekstremister, der var anklaget for at planlægge Westergaard mordet. Der er 87 mænd i Danmark med navnet Kurt Westergaard og alle af dem nu har politiet beskyttelse. Fire måneder senere, selvmordsbombere angreb den danske ambassade i Islamabad, 30 sårede og dræbte seks. Al-Qaeda tog æren for angrebet, hævdede, at det var gengældelse for tegningerne og de 700 danske soldater i Afghanistan. I oktober 2008 blev to mænd dømt i danske domstole for at forberede et terrorangreb.

Denne gang Westergaard’s angriberen blev fanget – men en anden person derude venter på en lejlighed til at slå til igen.”
Now I’ve read it through, I have the distinct impression that maybe the journalist wrote it in Danish first and used google translate to turn it Engrish.

I am a little confused by this article though, because it doesn’t seem to really go anywhere.

*sigh*

Oh by the way, I am looking to commission a series of cartoons depicting an elderly cartoonist running for cover in a safe room leaving his infant grandchild alone with a mad axeman wearing a turban with a bomb poking out the top.  Any offers?

Once I was afraid, I was petrified.

Cool things about Danish Culture – #1: Taking shoes off before entering living quarters.

It seems really gross now, to see people wandering around inside their houses, with their outside shoes on.  Entire families sit down for dinner – with their shoes on.  People flop on sofas,  and even put their shoes on the sofas!  Ug.

Now here is a cool thing about Danish Culture:  you take your shoes off when you are entering someone’s living quarters.  Even the workmen do it.  The guy who came to fix my somethingorother, first thing he did:  took his shoes off.  Very sweet, big ole guy in his worksuit,  and then his little feet in toweling sports socks…it still seems cute.

Tradesmen and workmen in other cultures, especially the Brit culture, they are noteworthy as slobs and fools, who tread dirt and dog shit through your house and will pointblank refuse to take their shoes off if you ask them.

But in Denmark, people take their shoes off, and this is a great help.  The clean lines of the wooden floors are also easy to keep clean, and there is none of that dreadful wall to wall shag carpeting reeking of dogs that is popular in other cultures.

Internationals from cultures who do not observe the removal of shoes soon have to think ahead when going on visits,  and it is advisable that the expat stock up on good socks.  If you are visiting your husbands rural cousins,  make sure that you wear good socks and carry a pair of woolen socks to put on, those draughty Jutland farmhouses can be very harsh on the feet.

Some householders like to go overboard and will have a little hospitality basket with various sizes and shapes of slippers for guests to slip on,  but I’d advise against using them.  You honestly don’t know where they have been, and who wants to share heel flakes with just anyone?

The only drawback to this custom would be that one can get cold feet from time to time, it can be embarrassing if you have missed your pedicure that month and you have a gnarled horn of a toenail sticking out of a thinning sock,  if you are wearing thigh high lace up boots it can be an awful drag to have to unlace and then lace up again, purely to sup coffee and dried out Christmas biscuits with Tante Bente,  and that bare feet rarely go with whatever outfit you have chosen…so you might as well slip into Danish comfort gear (velour tracksuits) straight off and not bother making an effort with your clothing.

So there we have it:   Cool things about Danish Culture – #1,  the practice of taking ones shoes off before entering a home leads to increased cleanliness.

OPEN QUESTION TO ANYONE CALLING THEMSELF A DANE: Has the practice of taking one’s shoes off been around for a long time?  Are there any extra special reasons why Danes do it, apart from the obvious (cleanliness)?

Coming soon:  Cool things about Danish Culture :  Sofa Life,  Amicable Divorce,  Children as Fashion Accessories,  IVF and Kids Get Free Drugs.

Teaching the Danshish: PARODY.

I have started deleting comments from self professed Danshish or Danskied with tails and forked tongues who hiss and spit and seem to be rather more angry than a blog of this tragi-comic merit deserves.

So in an effort to help, I will now begin a new series entitled:  Teaching the Danshish. I will use simple pictograms or youtube and keep my words to an absolute minimum.

Today, I teaching the Danshish about PARODY.  Using youtube Shakira.

See?  Now do you get it?  Next week: Teaching the Danshish:  ‘Police Violence’ (using youtube and Celine Dion).

Danish journalists ask Obama how he likes the snow.

Earlier today, Danish journalists approached Obama’s aides to ask if it was possible to film a segment showing Obama’s reactions to “seeing snow for the first time in his life”.

The journalists were immediately clubbed to the ground and beaten to an unrecognizable pulp by Obama’s aides, a passing cleaning lady, President Mugabwe and a partridge in a pear tree.

Speaking later through a special device that allows people only slightly above being in a vegetative state to communicate with the world (copyright Lego) one of the journalists gave the following statement:

“We don’t know what went wrong.  One minute we were asking if we could film Obama enjoying his first ever sighting of snow, and the next we were being beaten to an unrecognizable pulp. This just isn’t democratic, and one might wonder,  what has happened to free speech?”

A spokesperson for the Danish Journalism Association gave the following statement (translated from DanishEnglish into English by googletranslate) :   “For the following 24 hours we are going to suspend any more filming of people from the poor lands who are in Denmark for COP15 and enjoying seeing snow for the first time ever.”

A 24 year old student from one of the poor lands making all the trouble, who doesnt want to be named for fear of reprisal, gave the following statement: “I don’t know what all the fuss is about.  I have been filmed twice this week by two seperate Danish news teams seeing snow for the first time in my life.   It is incredible. I have only ever seen snow on TV before, and I imagined it to have the texture of cotton wool.  But it is in fact,  cold and wet!  Thankyou Denmark, thankyou for snow.”

Denmark shoots itself in foot, and airs dirty laundry in public.

I’ve been thinking about how the law in Denmark has affected us. There have been so many laws passed hurriedly of late, and I am no longer amazed at how little this affects the overwhelming majority of people who live here,  Danes might be aware of changes being made on their behalf, but they aren’t making any great moves to stop them.  We are having our rights rapidly legislated out of our reach, and very little is being done to counteract these changes in the law.  There is little visible protest.

The new law ‘lømmelpakken’ that allows the police new powers of arrest has threatened to wipe out any further protests in Denmark.

The law as it was has been working, we were afraid to speak out.  Denmark 1,  Foreigners,  Activists,  Dreamers and Oddballs:  0.

I found out about the demo’s relating to COP15 through word of mouth and chance encounters.   I hadn’t planned to attend any open protests or demonstrations.   I have seen the way protesters are handled here,  it is a worry, and then came the new law, adding insult to injury.

But what is it I was afraid of?

Honestly? At the front of my mind was that I have a health condition that requires me to receive treatment on the spot should I need it, and I’d seen how the police here handle protesters, roughly – would I survive that?

I had a nightmare image of myself firstly getting arrested for just being at a protest, secondly getting pepper sprayed due to reacting to being arrested for just being at a protest and thirdly then dying on a cold cement floor due to not getting the medical treatment when I needed it.

I was also afraid of losing everything through getting into ‘trouble’.  Not just the being arrested sort of trouble, but the being known as a protester sort of trouble.  I was too afraid of the repercussions to actually get out there in all seriousness.  Of course I was joking when I said that Denmark needs a kick up the arse,  please, don’t write that down.

I did,  however, attend a small demo recently,  in another part of Denmark, and noticed straight off, the laughably obvious plain clothes policemen and women milling around the pre gathering space (a busy train station) and eyeballing the colorful teenage anarchists and revolutionary types before they moved onto the start of the little march.  This concerned me,  because I was also being eyeballed. It must have been my big wooly hat.  Oh shucks, is that me fucked then?  Is that me on some kind of list???  I certainly hope not.  After all, I am innocent.

I stood and listened to the initial speeches, did the march,  kept my mouth shut abstaining from any chanting or shouted calls for revolution,  and then slipped away when the march reached its conclusion and so didn’t stay to hear the follow up speeches.

That was about as much as I could ‘risk’.  I was glad to meet the people who did march on. Though a small gathering, there was a great atmosphere within the ranks of the protesters,  but peering out to the shopping crowds who lined the streets to let us pass, I saw a lot of disgust on the faces of the Danish populace.  Grey lined angry faces openly sneering, making remarks.  Old and young,  they sneered.  I haven’t encountered such unanimous hostility before.  That shocked me,  because there was such a contrast between the rainbow loving vibe of the marchers and the grey horror of the spectators.

I am not going to judge anyone for not taking part in a demo, because it does take some sacrifice to do such a thing.  But my concern is that protest is being crushed altogether in Denmark, there is too much resistance to being disobedient.  We need to remember to protest.  To be brave where we haven’t been brave before.

COP 15 will end, and those of us who have set up home here will be left with what we’ve got.  Without the international influence, the legendary 100,000 people strong march on the 12th in Copenhagen would not have happened.

See, protest in Denmark has long been a paltry affair.  The Danes do stand up now,  but only in small numbers and then they sit down quickly.  If they don’t, they get beaten by the system one way or the other.  How can I prove this?  By compromising the trust of the people I know who have been beaten into submission here, by telling stories of threats from above and sanctions being placed and families and jobs at stake?  Nah.  So, I guess you will have to take my word for it if you don’t already know for sure. Stepping outside the system in Denmark takes more than just guts, it takes support,  hard cash and nerves of steel.  Most of us buckle and cow tow.

The fear in protest here was not brought about this month,  Denmark’s been hard on protest for a long while..  I remember on a visit to a friend in Århus in 2006, stumbling across an anti racist march.  It was certainly only a very small group of harassed looking young people.

I was taken aback because I saw the police before I protesters, they were out in force,  so many of them, and their vans parked in a peculiar formation to one side, and a line upon line of politi to the other.  And such a small group of kids!

I approached one of the marchers, a more mature looker,  and asked him very naively why he hadn’t organised them into a bigger group to warrant the police attention?  He did smile, it was a joke after all, but his face was strained.   He walked on with the group. I remember  the fear in his eyes and the way he kept his daunted gaze on the police gathering.

The way the politi had placed themselves and their vehicles,  it was confrontational.   Jokeworthy if it hadn’t of been pantcrappingworthy.  I seem to remember hearing dogs barking from within vans too.  It was over the top.

Fear and tension permeated the air,  and I decided to ask a politi man what was up with the dramatic police presence.  I asked him why the police were there in force,  and responded to his reticence by telling him I assumed it was to protect the children so they could have their wee demo in peace.  I’d heard there was a nazi demo in town the same day,  and the nazis in Denmark do a fair bit of ‘perker-lover’ battering,  alledgedly.  How NICE of the popopoliti to protect the protesters.   I said.

Anyway, the policeman was well tense and he got a bit annoyed with me.  I had essentially joined the protest.  He basically told me to hop it.  Said I was preventing him from doing his job, which was, um, towering above a bedraggled gaggle of teenagers in his stab proof vest.

The rumor was that the nazis that day were treated differently, that they got a police escort, where the anti racists got the police presence.   I have to believe what the anti racists say,  because let’s be frank, they are the sanest.

The Danish police are under fire for what they have done.  Yet they are under orders, from the top.  The Danske Folke Parti (Danish Peoples Party) have been too quiet since COP15,  this I don’t get,  but my suspicion is that they have been sitting back with popcorn.

The Danish press have shown photo series that appear to glorify the police role in the protests.  This is an attempt to make the police people look good, when in fact, they look very very bad.

On a one to one basis,  I’ve never been badly treated by a policeperson, in fact, they always seem to be on my side,  but right now, that doesn’t mean I will resist the urge to protest where possible.  In future I hope to add my support in person to the people who dare.

I’d rather be the person falling from the top of a  police van, after having his brains beat out by a policeman, than the policeman who is standing watching the falling guy with a sneer of satisfaction shown visibly behind his helmet mask.  And yes, the numbers were clear.

What I won’t continue to do, is to sit in fear.

The ‘lømmepakke’  demo arrest law giving the police the powers to detain people with no due cause may have frightened a good many of us off momentarily (many are scared off),  but who can listen to reports of friends being attacked, and not stand up and do or say SOMETHING?

Thankfully, the word is now out, draconian methods of control are at work here,  as revealed in the excellent article by Bibi van der Zee for The Guardian:  ‘Activists reveal tactics used by police to ‘decapitate’ CPH climate protests’.

There are many who are shocked and scared into being quiet and submissive in Denmark,  and yet there is likely to be a number of people who have been radicalized by the recent proceedings and politi-ical brutality.

This could be a wake up call.  Sure we are losing rights, but that doesn’t mean we are finished.

So..um…Take the power back.

*runs for the border*

Global Feedback: “Denmark is losing its reputation for being a good world citizen.”

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8415387.stm

Say what you like about crusties and protesters on ‘your streets’ in ‘your nation’ on ‘your land’,  you have to face the fact, that your modern Danish democratically empowered police action looks freaking bad in all the reasonable press.

I am thrilled to report that the word is now out.  There is something wrong and rotten in Denmark and it is the overwhelming majority of people.  Their one hope is education.  Adopt a Danish child today!  For just 700 dollars a month a Danish child can recieve a proper education, elsewhere, but not here!  Support the new generation!  Get them out of the dastardly hole they are in!

And let me just take this moment to say that this is what Denmark has become, and certainly not what it was.  Of course the seeds were always there, you know, all that pig meat….what it does to the digestion.

It’s such a tiny place,  with so few people here, it makes sense that this sort of thing (see video in link) can’t stand unchallenged.

I am not going to say all police are wankers, or all crusties are crustie,  but I will say:  the majority in Denmark won’t flinch at the sight of the protesters getting whacked.  For every person I hear speaking of the overtly aggressive and unreasonable attitude of the governing and organizational forces at work in Denmark today, there is a Dane somewhere, rubbing his big fat belly, and saying “Quite right!  We don’t want that lot here!” and calling for his mail order bride to get him another beer.

So stick it up your arse Denmark.  Your politics suck and it’s got to the point where Enhedslisten are about the only viable option, and they are never gonna get voted in are they?

I refuse to live in a country like this, and I am not leaving.  Not until there has been a slight improvement anyway.

Big kisses to all the beautifuls who had the gutz to protest at any stage during this whole COP 15 debacle:  you have done a great job,  sparked a lot of newsworthy actions and brought what is happening out in the open.

The main news of the season has been the protests:  RESULT.

http://bambuser.com/channel/DRNyheder

http://politiken.dk/klima/Topmode_i_Kobenhavn/article861441.ece -  Delegates in shock due to getting battered by Danish Police:  “We didn’t expect this in Denmark!”  Haha, because you watch OPRAH?

Edit:  NEW YORK TIMES COVERAGE OF HUMAN RIGHTS INFRINGEMENTS IN DENMARK TODAY – “As the police vans advanced, skirmishes broke out with protesters who formed human chains and chanted their commitment to nonviolence and to helping people in parts of the world that they said would be hardest hit by climate change.”   and  “Another member of the protest group, Richard Bernard, said he expected arrests and possible clashes with police. “Danish police have been violating human rights all week,” he said.”

GUARDIAN COVERAGE: “Denmark is losing its reputation for being a good world citizen,” Naomi Klein.

CNN Very Brilliant Photo series on todays demo.

Copenhagen: the sound of silence

Denmark’s reputation is being destroyed by police action outside the summit and the gagging of NGOs and poor nations inside

“Jailing of Tadzio bang out of order” Says Lawyer.

But you know, one person can’t make a difference.  Now sit back, open another bag of potato chips and enjoy the rest of your pitiful powerless excuse of a life….

STOP PRESS!STOP PRESS!STOP PRESS!

High level interview with high level popoliceperson now translated to Engrish for benefit of our lesser readers:

A sweetie factory cum communal vegetairan dwelling place was raided and ransacked today and a number of cycles taken away by the Purleaze.

A high level popoliceperson was compelled to give a reason for the action and he stated that the cycles were in fact illegal, in his head anyway.

“THIS BIKE IS NOT A LEGAL MODEL!”  He said.  “We believe,  we believe,  we believe, we do believe that they will use it for something….NOT legal!  In COPENHAGEN!”

Like … uh…what, for example?

“Yeah BUT, this is what you see around Europe, and then we make an assessment…”

What is it the police think is illegal?

“Is it to cycle on,  when you find it on Lærkevej?  NO. Just like when you find somebody who wears a gasmask, and has pliers and masks,  you know, so we know it’s for something wery NOT legal.”

What sort of illegal activities do you honestly think you can use the cycles for?

“Um, well, we don’t know yet.  Ask my mum.  She’s over there, making the sandwiches.”

Mum indeed.

AND your mom.

To which I’d like to add:

Mr High Level Popo?

DID you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

AND:

YOUR MOM ….. is so dumb,  she sat on the TV and watched the SOFA.

In other news today…

http://politiken.dk/klima/Topmode_i_Kobenhavn/article860763.ece

“There is something wrong in Denmark.”

Well hellloooo, what took you so long?

Naomi Klein YOU ROCK. Headline: “The Danish need for control is a real problem.”

‘The Danish need for control is a real problem.’ – tell me about it, LOL!

‘DANISH NEED FOR CONTROL IS STIFLING CLIMATE DEBATE’ -Front page of The Guardian online.

Denmark embarrassed, shoves evidence under carpet at last minute and affects suitably remorseful expression.

Read the full article in the British newspaper The Guardian, headlined:

Copenhagen summit: Denmark rushes in laws to stop carbon trading scam

Climate change summit host embarrassed as criminals make most of lax laws to pocket VAT on emissions trading

I think it’s obvious that the point of me suggesting you read this article is to witness the brown nosing Denmark is doing,  rather than the criminal swindling now suitably shoved under carpet.

http://www.flickr.com/groups/amessagetocopenhagen/ (The Guardian’s Flickr.

Read also:

Exclusive: World’s leading climate change expert says summit talks so flawed that deal would be a disaster.

Copenhagen climate change talks must fail, says top scientist.

Free Translation Danish – English.

The TV2 Zulu channel as a Danish stand up comic program.  It is really dire.

Usually I can’t watch it, it’s bad comedy, thinks itself clever and the audience are clapping in that peculiar slow clap that Danes do.  It’s all very disconcerting.

Plus, it’s not my imagination,  I only ever flick past that program and watch a 2 minute segment every time before moving on in disgust,  and each and every time I have left thinking:  “We are not wrong about the Danish culture.”

There are a lot of racist jokes.  They are not even funny racist jokes.  I can sort of understand a crass or non politically correct joke IF it is funny.  But these wetly weak fart of a Danish jokes about muslims?  So so sad and embarrassing.  I guess they are doing them to ‘let off steam’ and well, the audience, taking a look at it, packed to the rafters with 99% ‘whiteys’.  I don’t like to use the word ‘white’ in a derogatory sense,  but it was that or ‘Danish’ and I don’t like to say that being Danish is about being white.

Tonight there was a young ‘comedian’ up on the stage. She looked like an overgrown slightly melted version of Nicole Kidman,   like Nicole Kidman if she’d been pumped up to blistering point and then soaked in a barrel of rice pudding for a day.  Bloated is the word.  Anyway,  my translation is not perfect, but here is the segment of her well honed ‘act’ I had the misfortune to witness:

“People are fascinated with my freckles,  they are always trying to rub them off…..I went to Cairo,  Egypt and I went into a mosque, and there was this ugly disgusting old toothless man who came up to me and started caressing my arm and looking at my freckles and he said…“

(this bit she did in English..)

“ooooh you are so  BEAUTIFUL!!!  What are you eating in Denmark that makes you so BEAUTIFUL???”  so I said “BACON”  “PIG!”  “OINK OINK!!!”  “

 

erm, yeah, babe, like that is funny.   But the audience went WILD,  ha fucking ha.  I am not sure they weren’t laughing because she actually looked like a pig though.

Then she went on to say something like:

“But I am not racist, I think it is important to show the world I am not racist and that I have respect for other cultures, and that is why I have a bumper sticker showing a picture of the Prophet Muhammad on the back of my car!  ….Nah,  I was only joking, of course I don’t have a picture of the Prophet on the back of my car…that would be SUICIDAL.  Actually, it’s just some mud that has splattered up from the road that looks like the Prophet Muhammad.”

Crowd went crazy again. Uh.  Now, this isn’t funny on any level, not even in a ‘o wow she is so irreverent and zany’ sort of way. It just isn’t funny.  It just isn’t even useful for anything.  It’s plain nasty humor, like my comment about her LOOOKING LIKE A FAT PIG.  I mean, sure, if we look at it a certain way, she did look like a real mean ugly pig.  And when her mouth moved it did look like an ugly pig chewing something that she found stuck to the bottom of her shoe, but really!  What kind of a person makes an UNFUNNY cruel joke?

Then it just isn’t funny.  I try to avoid watching Danes get entertained, I have seen it more than a few times and lost my faith in human nature.  I mean, if we can stoop THAT low, any of us, what hope is there?

And that fecking slow clap they do!  And the way they throw beer at concerts!  And film every event through the lens of their mobile.

Anyway, other news I will translate for you today:

‘The use of the contraceptive pill in Denmark amongst girls under the age of sexual consent is violently increasing (numbers from ‘Lægemiddelstyrelsen’ show). In 1999,   3.086 girls under 15 were prescribed the contraceptive pill – last year the number had climbed to 6.570 girls between 11-14 years young.’

Now it is quite obvious what is going on here.  It is all the ‘invandrer’ girls, they come here and they are just taking all our western medicines and infecting our sweet young daughters.  As soon as we get rid of the immigrants this problem will be solved.  OR it is the worldwide habit of stifling natural processes and treating menstruation as an ailment needing to be ‘cured’.  The pill, like the hysterectomy, like anti-depressants…these are all magical god-doctor cures for many ailments.

Here is another one for you:

‘Every third Danish hospital patient gets a bedsore.’

Obviously all those immigrants again,  mouldering away in OUR LAND.  And taking up valuable hospital beds that could be used for DANISH.

Anyone who has had to take care of someone with a bedsore knows pure and simple, these breakdowns of the body are caused by pure neglect.  Standards in Danish hospitals are at an all time low.  I can tell you for an inside fact, that if you or anyone you know has had contact with the Danish hospital system and come out whole and well and not negatively affected or butchered and carved up….this was NOT due to medical expertise or high standards…it was due to LUCK.

If you feel you have had a great experience in a Danish hospital then I promise you, it is because of your low standards or your inattention to detail or because you are basically glad you aren’t dead so just getting up in the morning is a constant recurring miracle.  Or because you don’t know any better.  Or because you were LUCKY.

This may be the time, if any of you Danish hospital damaged people out there need to outpour what you have often told me in private emails or talks (i.e: what horrific experiences you have had in contact with the Danish doctors/nurses/midwives) then you can outpour in the comments, and leave it as anon.

That’s enough translating for one day.  Although I can sort of bear to read Danish,  it is easier on the eye than on the ear.

 

 

Taking a break from a week of non-protest: Danes, the Danish Way – why so selfish and full of itself?

why are you sending people away? is it because you want to keep Denmark 'clean'?

Let them in I say!

Let them in!

It’s amusing, but Denmark is so fucking rich.  And so obscenely selfish, and pompous.  Whatever we think we know,  Denmark or a representative of the Danish way, with very few exceptions, will come along and tell us a) they know better or b) ahahahhahhahaha!  we actually *patronising titter* know less than we profess to.

Oh ahahahhahahaha Danish people, you know so much right?

You know about the orphans of AIDS right?  You saw them on your little gap year tourist trek to AF’KA.  You donate a portion of your salary to your sponsor child.  You UNDERSTAND the millions of people going to bed hungry tonight?

How about letting them in?

How about taking a cut in your standard of life, living with a little less fat arsed security?  How about giving up the duck or the pig this christmas,  feeding a family of six on what you snack on during the tv breaks?  How about letting them in?

Oh I know, right now you are either a) too busy pontificating from your office stool (social democrats) b) having passionate debates with other like minds and getting your face pierced (enhedslisten) or c) filing your taxes (anything right of venstre) but have you not considered the sheer bulk of your everyday wealth here?

All mouth and no trousers is what I call your lot.  I have seen this before, in town to town, but never a whole country of the disease.

What oh what is really wrong with ya?

Let them in I say.

Now, some Danes like to quote some number that suggests Denmark has actually been quite generous allowing refugees in,  well, thank you very much, that was nice, thanks for the flat and the cheque and the free child care and the Danish lessons.  That job didn’t show up though, I wonder… is it cos I’s black?  Eh?

No, you’ve been very kind, really.

But you know.  I have two pictures in my hand.  One is of a big fat Dane at a Julfrokost (now don’t tell me that 9 months pregnant manbelly is glandular:  it is PORK) and one is of an girl orphaned by AIDS living in South Africa.

One is full of it and one is wanting.

This place is selfish, the people keep it so,  even the armchair pontificators, their talk goes nowhere, they like to criticize the governing body, the people from Jutland, the invandrer, y’all have these awful smug pontifications about what is going wrong here, y’all bring all manner of shite into it.  Europe keeps being mentioned, that it is a general problem.

But not one of you is getting off your ass and saying:  LET THEM COME!

And by ‘saying’ I mean, actually making SOME NOISE.

There is place here for more people,  it would mean the Danes took a huge cut in their pork intake, but really, SHOULD a person spend that long on the toilet anyway?  I heard that the Dane use more laxatives per capita per annum than any other country in Europe.  You all eat too much!  You are way toooo warm.  You have too many clothes and your cars look silly and shiny, but not in an ‘American Dream’ kind of way.  You don’t look ‘simple scandinavian chic’, you look greedy and/or  pretentious.

Y’all take your flights half way across the world,  muliple holidays and pleasure trips a year and you order on the internet for what you can’t get in KVICKLY, and you keep your borders tight.

Denmark is a democracy, somehow the people have agreed in huge numbers to who tells us what to do.

And always the smug Dane voice, who knows better than we do, because they have it all worked out.

Until I see Danes standing up, in huge numbers, I will stick with my assumption that you are all cowardly, selfish,  greedy and lazy.  I keep hearing all these bleeding heart liberals saying: oh, no, but really, we are with you on this, we are actually ashamed to be Danish right now, and there are more like us…

Oh raaaallllly?  So where the fuck are they?

You know damn well all you care about is your pension.