“I am a Dane who has moved to the UK, could easily write a blog like yours”

“Hi,

I am a Dane who has moved to the UK and I could easily write a blog like yours. Here are my list about how the English are weird, like the Danes but different, and how I prefer Denmark or some other place.

- CARPET. Those English are fucking mad for carpet. They do not have nice clean laminate or wood floor as we Dane have. Everywhere is carpet! They even have carpet in their bathrooms. Even on their toilet lid in some cases! Totally crazy. If they do not have carpet i their bathrooms they have a littel small semi circle of carpet just around the toilet, to soak up the piss ha ha. I am not understanding why the Engkish like their carpet so much. So often come into houses and they stink of dog smoked carpet.
- SHOES. Unliker in Denmark where everybody takes off their shoes when entering a home, in England people leave on their shoes and are unhappy if asked to take off their shoes. This means that whatever is on the street is coming into the English house, and let us remember they have absorbant carpet everywhere so it follows that their carpets are full of shit. I do not understnad it. We have asked our English friends on coming to a dinner party with us to remove their shoes and some of them were really wery upset. Evengoing so far as to begin an argument with us, even saying “Hey, no worries, these shoes are clean!” We gently persuaded them to take their shoes off and showed them to a special basket of all sizes of slipper they could put on we have specially made for such occasions. One of our guests said “are you just trying to make us look like knobs in slippers?” We find it a funny to see that the English often keep their coats on inside the house too if visiting.
- HEATING. What is it with the English and heating? In Denmark we have blankets to cuddle up under if we are cold in our sofas. In England the heating is on full blast all the time and they have no insulation.
- BATHROOMS. In Denmark we mainly use showers because we are very aware of the envirnoment, plus it is cleaner and can mean we can take a shower in the morning before work and then again when we come home after the gym, wellness or sex with our colleagues. In England they like to soak in their bath of water once a week..not good for the environment and not clean. Also we are very confused because in Denmark the drain is in the bathroom floor, in the Uk the drains are outside, so how is it possible to have a shower in the middle of the bathroom floor with the carpet soaking it up but also even if tiled no drain for it all to go down?
- CHILD NEGLECT: we are constantly shocked at the way children are neglected in England. Friends of ours here are very judgemental about our Danish way of letting our babies sleep outside under lots of warm blankets in the winter, even telling us we risk their deaths by overheating them and their faces being chewed off by foxes or stolen by paedophiles, but they let their kids run around in thin synthetic jackets and do not put their children in proper clothing for the weather. Children in the UK do not wear full snowsuits even in the snow.
- SNOW: In England, certainly the south of England, the smallest dusting of snow precipitates school and business closing and the country grinds to a halt. It is a joke. In Denmark we have proper snow and if you do not come into work on a snowy day your pay gets docked. If your kid does not come into school ‘because’ of snow in Denmark your children get taken from you by social services and fostered by a proper Danish family.
= DRINKING. The Brits do not drink responsibly as we do in Denmark. Instead of drinking steadily and increasingly from the age of 13, they prefer to binge drink at weekends.
- CRISPS: we call them chips. Thinky sliced and deep fried potatoe chips served in bags. The English are obsessed with chips and have to eat at least three packets a day.
- RYEBREAD: the english do not eat rye bread.

Med Venlig Hilsen,

Dane In London”

3 responses to ““I am a Dane who has moved to the UK, could easily write a blog like yours”

  1. You poor thing, sounds like you have found like minded people in the UK.
    I can remember seeing things like you mentioned decades ago but the funny thing is those types you refer to are NOT represantative of the whole nation. I know it´s difficult for a Dane coming from such a small country and living such a protected existence, being brainwashed into believing that Denmark is the center of the universe and everyone else is below them.
    For a nation of alcholics it really made me laugh when i read your words about the Danes drinking responsibly!!!!! Your so funny you should be on stage. Danes are reknowned for their problems with alchohol. All your rantings acomplish is to tell the reader that you have very little experience of life. If you had just a little you would be aware of the number of countries on this planet and the uncountable variations of life styles, societies etc. Being so small minded is definately not to be encouraged for somebody who wants to experience the world.

  2. Julian, either you’re Babs in disguise, or you just got trolled. :-)

    About carpets: As a student, my girl friend financed her accomodation in London in the 90′s by cleaning. She said the custom of using carpets everywhere and especially in bathrooms is ridiculous and gave her a very special hatred for urinating men. One can only imagine how disgusting such a carpet might become after a week of London men doing the honours. :)

  3. Ahahah. Oh wee-soaked carpet, how I miss you.

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