Danes as Aryans. The Super Breed.

NON DANNISH SPERM

There are a higher proportion of white blond blue eyed giants in other parts of Scandinavia and Danes are more of the ‘liverpostej‘ blond if truth be told, but Dannish get all overcome when it comes to presenting their face outwards to rest of world and all caught up in hype and furthering the Dannish Cause.

This leads to Danes seeing themselves as a race.

Which can lead to problems.

Two articles made public have caught my attention.  One about a woman found after an attack, with the punchline about the attacker being that details about him are sketchy with one thing for sure: “But he wasn’t Danish.”

So that narrows down the search then.  Be on the look out for men who are not Danish and we will be some way to finding this rapist.

Do you remember when Oprah was strolling down the street with that arrogant SheDane?  And the SheDane said that if a person wasn’t blond, tall and blue eyed that they probably wasnot Dannish?  Me too!  Wasn’t that FUNNY?

Yes I know the SheDane was being serious.  But that is her race.  Tall, Blond, blue eyed, serious and Dannish.  It’s a race.  Danes think they are The Aryans.  Deep down they know they are not, but there are enough people in the world who think they are and that Dannish make good chair, so that is enough to keep the whole twisted plot going.

There is an article in Marie Claire about a Danish sperm bank.  Students in Denmark are milked for their sperm.  They are paid for this and these payments supplement their student grants.  It’s rather like when the military in any country go and recruit in areas of high youth unemployment.  It’s called abuse and exploitation.  But the student sperm donors don’t mind because it means they can buy Dannish designed chair and take girlfriend to movie.  And go summer house with extra bottle wine and buy new shoe.

I am speaking in foreign to help our foreign reader.

So anyway, this article in Marie Claire is not researched too well and very one sided and only seems to provide shpeeel from CRYOS,  a leading sperm bank in Denmark.  Here is a link to some recruiting CRYOS have been doing on a web page marked:  “Student Portal.”

The DaneMen in the article are fair bristling with pride that their wanking can result in scores of unknown offspring.  Or known in some cases, as donors can waive their right to anonymity.

Ole Schou, the company founder of CRYOS, claims the reason why Danish students are wanking into a cup and allowing their sperm to be processed as children in unknown wombs all over the globe at a prolific rate is down to Danish ‘generosity’.

He not mention nothing about aggressive recruiting of sperm donors at a time when students are at their most impoverished.

But it works pretty well, don’t you think?  Danish students have recently had their study grants cut and are feeling the pinch, the banks are not lending to the small fry like they used to here,  and there is an overabundance of women who are finding it difficult to find partners to parent with or who need to have healthy young sperm when they are not at an age to personally extract healthy young sperm.  Women in late thirties have a problem getting easily pregnant anyway so time and chance against….the wanking students fill that gap AND to buy new pair of trousers.

Hurrah!  Now everything is fine.  Wery wery fine.

Strangely enough, Denmark is leading the seas of sperm in cups market, and this would be a shock to anyone who has met men anywhere else..why would a DaneMan do it and not a BritMan for example?

I did a little survey and of the NonDaneMen who said no, they wouldn’t donate their sperm in this way, their reasons for saying nay were always ethical.

It wasn’t that they were being mean, as Cryos Schou seemed to be suggesting that it is generosity that makes the Danes put so much sperm into banks,  it was that they thought it  tad wrong to father scores of kids across the globe in that way and at such a rate.  English men might be psychotic idiots but they are all heart.

In DaneMen there is a space where a heart should be and a sleekly designed Danish chair instead.  Or a Christmas Beer.

I have sympathy for my childless sisters who need sperm and can’t get it, and I fully support their desire to become parents.  For ethical reasons I won’t get into my personal take on the ethics of how babies are made.  Whichever way you look at it it’s a risky mess.  Conceived naturally or against the Popes wishes you are still going to end up some time from now picking up the crap that kids make and realising that they are not things to make a life ‘whole’ with, and they are merely just people who wander into our lives as any one else does.  How we begin and conduct our relationships is our own responsibility.

But oh dear lord the Danish Perspective on this!  The Marie Claire ‘article’ ends with a flourish.  A point is made that with so many British women using Danish sperm to make their lives ‘whole’, are we going to be seeing more “..toddlers in Britain…with Viking qualities?”.  Professor Gert Bruun Petersen (who quelle surprise works for Cryos) believes so but says with a smile:

“Danish characteristics such as very blond hair, blue eyes and athletic physiques are slowly but steadily being spread across Europe..BUT THAT’S NOT SUCH A BAD THING REALLY.”

Danes think they are Aryan and that the world would be a better place if there were more like them in it.  Discuss.

DANISH IMPOVERISHED STUDENT SPERM

What Danes do best: Seasons.

The Danish winters are hard and horrid.  You have to be born into a long line of your family who have been living on the Danish bit of the planet since they climbed out of the primordial slime or have been living here for at least a hundred years of devoted Daneness to be able to truly DO Danish winters without ending up screaming for air and culture and proper shoes by March.

Yes my dears it’s nearly over. Denish Winter is nearly over.  And while you and all your odd foreign friends will be staggering around in an overweight fug, hair all sticking out at angles and your winter coat barely stretching to cover your now hefferesque frame,  you watch…you WATCH agog as the Danes jog out of THEIR winter in unison, trim,  energetic and with keen clear eyes on their future.

Future being SUMMER.  Which comes after SPRING.  SUMMER is just before AUTUMN which is, and I don’t want to depress you any further, right before WINTER.

I’m sorry to inform you, but you are never going to make the grade. You don’t know how to do Dannish Seasons.  You don’t.  You are not used to it and your family have not moved on well oiled Dannish cogs for generations.  You don’t know what has hit you or why.  You were shocked when the Danes stopped wearing their wooly hats last Thursday.  You can’t understand how they are so slim, when you would have thought that everybody was doing the same as you:  eating their way through winter.

It’s Danish Spring folks, and your foreign asses are way out of tune.  It’s too late to ‘put some seeds in’. The Danes did that on National Danish Seeding Day.  You don’t even know when that was do you?  You have to be fully Danish to know when wearing a wooly hat is ridiculous and when it is necessary.  You have to be fully Danskfied to know when to put seeds in.  You have to know when it’s time for your kids to drink (age 13 during day of Dannish Confirmation,  April each year).

There is a time for every action in Denmark, and the thing is, you can’t be creative with the time.  There is a set way to do it, and this has surely been brought about by the seasons here and of course, Christianity and the Danish ‘Peoples’ party *spit*  *prepares molotov cocktail* (although don’t quote me on that).

Fast forward a few months and you will STILL be out of tune.  Come winter you will be going around bare headed when everybody else is wearing duvet coats and big russian fur hats.  Your kids are at a disadvantage.  You don’t know how to make a house out of gingerbread and you don’t know how to make ornate paper stars and hearts for the Christmas tree. You think contraception is something you take to avoid getting pregnant and don’t see it as a way to master nature and lead a life unaffected by your womb being present.

Anyway.  I have been thinking about running courses for new dannish wives.  Those international ladies who washed up on this rock because they were swept along by a tide of events that included marrying a dane.  Those new danwives who Danes have taken on in marriage often end up desperately unhappy, mainly because they are confused…on the one hand they really don’t see the point of all this manic seasonal alignment but on the other,  they really want to at least master the ‘being on the seasonal ball’ aspect of Dannish culture.

These courses would include:  ‘Ten Dishes you really have to learn to cook for your Danish Husband, or his anus mouthed mother will Always Have the upper hand’ and ‘How to cut intricate shapes out of brightly coloured paper and engage in chit chat with your female Danish ‘Perhaps-friend-I’m-not-sure-though-because-I-don’t-feel-any-deep-connection-has-been-made-but-she-did-invite-me-to-this-paper-cutting-thing-so-maybe-there-is-hope’.

Other courses would be:  ‘Dates and Fashion in Denmark:  when to wear a hat, deadlines for snowsuits’.  Plus:  ‘Preparation, Preparation,Preparation:  Diet for Summer…starts January.’ And ‘How to look impressed when you really are not and deep down inside you are weeping for your momma/kids from a previous marriage who are thousands of miles away’.

P.s:  the reason why the Danes have all been exercising like mad fools since January is 1) because it’s a good cover for extra marital affairs, and 2) because they know if they don’t, they won’t be able to eat like pigs in August.  There are two highly fat seasons here, one is December (obviously) and the other is August.

Danes do Seasons best.  There, I said it.

Coming soon:  ‘What Danes do best:  Early Retirement’.