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Only two types of foreigner in Denmark. The good or the bad.

“I am a Dane who has moved to the UK, could easily write a blog like yours”

“Hi,

I am a Dane who has moved to the UK and I could easily write a blog like yours. Here are my list about how the English are weird, like the Danes but different, and how I prefer Denmark or some other place.

- CARPET. Those English are fucking mad for carpet. They do not have nice clean laminate or wood floor as we Dane have. Everywhere is carpet! They even have carpet in their bathrooms. Even on their toilet lid in some cases! Totally crazy. If they do not have carpet i their bathrooms they have a littel small semi circle of carpet just around the toilet, to soak up the piss ha ha. I am not understanding why the Engkish like their carpet so much. So often come into houses and they stink of dog smoked carpet.
– SHOES. Unliker in Denmark where everybody takes off their shoes when entering a home, in England people leave on their shoes and are unhappy if asked to take off their shoes. This means that whatever is on the street is coming into the English house, and let us remember they have absorbant carpet everywhere so it follows that their carpets are full of shit. I do not understnad it. We have asked our English friends on coming to a dinner party with us to remove their shoes and some of them were really wery upset. Evengoing so far as to begin an argument with us, even saying “Hey, no worries, these shoes are clean!” We gently persuaded them to take their shoes off and showed them to a special basket of all sizes of slipper they could put on we have specially made for such occasions. One of our guests said “are you just trying to make us look like knobs in slippers?” We find it a funny to see that the English often keep their coats on inside the house too if visiting.
– HEATING. What is it with the English and heating? In Denmark we have blankets to cuddle up under if we are cold in our sofas. In England the heating is on full blast all the time and they have no insulation.
– BATHROOMS. In Denmark we mainly use showers because we are very aware of the envirnoment, plus it is cleaner and can mean we can take a shower in the morning before work and then again when we come home after the gym, wellness or sex with our colleagues. In England they like to soak in their bath of water once a week..not good for the environment and not clean. Also we are very confused because in Denmark the drain is in the bathroom floor, in the Uk the drains are outside, so how is it possible to have a shower in the middle of the bathroom floor with the carpet soaking it up but also even if tiled no drain for it all to go down?
– CHILD NEGLECT: we are constantly shocked at the way children are neglected in England. Friends of ours here are very judgemental about our Danish way of letting our babies sleep outside under lots of warm blankets in the winter, even telling us we risk their deaths by overheating them and their faces being chewed off by foxes or stolen by paedophiles, but they let their kids run around in thin synthetic jackets and do not put their children in proper clothing for the weather. Children in the UK do not wear full snowsuits even in the snow.
– SNOW: In England, certainly the south of England, the smallest dusting of snow precipitates school and business closing and the country grinds to a halt. It is a joke. In Denmark we have proper snow and if you do not come into work on a snowy day your pay gets docked. If your kid does not come into school ‘because’ of snow in Denmark your children get taken from you by social services and fostered by a proper Danish family.
= DRINKING. The Brits do not drink responsibly as we do in Denmark. Instead of drinking steadily and increasingly from the age of 13, they prefer to binge drink at weekends.
– CRISPS: we call them chips. Thinky sliced and deep fried potatoe chips served in bags. The English are obsessed with chips and have to eat at least three packets a day.
– RYEBREAD: the english do not eat rye bread.

Med Venlig Hilsen,

Dane In London”

Bystander Apathy/Diffusions of Responsibility AKA Why are Danish so Unhelpful?

Dear Babs,

I don’t understand it. There have been several occasions in Denmark, from my travels between the northerly parts, to the bits that mesh with Germany, and from Esbjerg and to Copenhagen, when I have experienced the legendary Danish brutishness and coldness. But in my daily life I regularly meet what I can only and kindly call Bystander apathy, or a diffusion of responsiblity.

On a day to day basis I board trains and buses with my three month old baby in a pram. It is so utterly rare that anybody ever offers me help getting in and out of public transport, and more normally pushes me aside or walks ahead of me when boarding, or neglects to offer me a seat if the vehicles are packed, that I take it as given that travelling on public transport in Denmark with a small child is not going to be a picnic.

Except that occasionally I am helped. And always ONLY by what the Dannish call ‘immigrants’. Why is it that immigrants seem to care more about a woman struggling to get a pram on a train or bus than a Dannish?

I am beginning to hate Denmark so much. I sincerely regret listening to my Dannish husband who convinced me to leave my country of origin and move here to give birth.

Best wishes,

M****”

Dear M,

The answer is simple my dear. Immigrants have family values and have spent more in depth close times with their families. Dannish are reared to be unconcerned with family as they are institutionalised at an early age and learn more about their institutional life than life in an organic family. Many people from out of Denmark have noticed how unhelpful Danes are on public transport. Apparently it is similar in France, but the difference is you get great food there.

xxxx

Danish business G4S and Israel.

WARNING: TO FUCKTARDS:  SARCASM ALERT.

Danish company G4S are being targeted by crazed lefty loons.  Just because G4S supports Israel. !!  Which is toadally crazy.  Don’t those loons understand?  Palestine is a figment of the world imagination.  Only the mighty Israel exists.  After all GOD said that the Zionists could have Israel.  And GOD is always right.  ESPECIALLY when he ‘says’ stuff to people. Like God told Bush to make war.  Like God told women to cover their heads and genitally mutilate their children.  Exactly.  See what I mean.

What on earth those pesky Palestinians think they are doing asking for ISRAEL’s land is beyond me.  Now,  if those people would just sit still and quiet and stop flailing about while Israel finishes its job (as ordered by GOD) to slowly but surely squeeze the life out of them,  there would be no trouble, and certainly no ground invasion or babies sucking on their dead mother’s toes in the rubble.

And it is important we get the terminology right here. Israelis are the CHOSEN people,  and all Arabs are terrorists. Not what the world might agree with, but does the world have a hotline to GOD as the mighty Zionists do?

And why should Israel care about what the world thinks?  After all, when GOD gives you so much as a nation, it’s not like a trifle like world opinion would matter.  No.  Lets face it,  Israel has to finish the job.  The job it started.  And if the GOD ORDAINED company of G4S can help them in the process,  then GOD BLESS G4S!!

That’s right, I said it.  God told me to. Like God told me only last week to spend four hundred dollars on a new pair of winter boots.  I couldn’t NOT do what GOD told me to could I?  God might then smite me and give me a chinese burn or fart in a cupped hand and throw it in my face.  God told me to put a kipper on my head and to break into next door and take a dump in their shower. Oh Lord,  I did it.  One doesn’t mess about when it comes to what GOD SAYS. GOD IS GLORIOUS!!! And very talkative. Actually, to be honest,  I can’t help wondering if sometimes he is misquoted.  After all, how can the Zionists be the chosen people and have GOD GIVEN right to the land they are shitting on (sorry, I meant to say sitting, it’s my Danish accent) and be allowed to do all that killing and stuff if I am not allowed to even kill one person who gets in my way?  It hardly seems fair that GOD says some people can do the killing and others may not.  But there you have it.  Zionists are the CHOSEN people, and GOD says they can go on a killing spree.  In fact,  if you read the Israeli national news at Arutz Sheva 7,  you will see that in their polls the Zionists are braying for blood.  “FINISH THE JOB!!” they shriek.  And anyone who says anything against this idea has of course forgotten the holocaust and is an anti semetic monster.  SHHHHHHH everybody, don’t say anything against Israel because that means you have forgotten the holocaust.  After a people have suffered so much in history, don’t you think that gives them the right to um….make other people suffer?

Now I have sat through passovers and sabbaths,  in the days before I did ‘informed decisions’ and all I can remember is an incredibly long and brain numbing amount of harping on about what happened many years ago.  At some point in the proceedings you want to stand up and shout: “FOR FUCKS SAKE,  GET OVER IT!” But no,  on and on and on about the exodus, on and on and on.  Talk about a victim complex.  Fair enough. IT’S THEIR RELIGION, AND WHO CAN ARGUE WITH THAT? And yeah. Just about the worst kind of shit went down over time. But it strikes me as very scary, that a group who do such harpings at home, and keep those harpings up and strong,  could have such a short memory when it comes to the goings on in the middle east over the past 100 years.  Didn’t their mother teach them anything?  Oh yeah *penny drops* so they did.  ummm…..

But I digress. GOD BLESS ISRAEL!  It’s a fabulous place.  Will be absolutely perfect for all the GOD ORDAINED zionists once all the edges are sanitized and the genocide of the Palestinians…ooops, sorry, I meant Terrorists, because we have touched on terminology,  is complete. After all,   when it comes to Arabs and Jews,  Jews are obviously better and deserve more because A) GOD is on their side and B) the US is giving them the green light to do whateverthefuck they want.  So with the two universal world powers on their side (obv. GOD being a close second to the US) oh…and G4S,  who can argue with that?  Certainly not the Palestinians.  What the hell do they think they are doing invading Israel anyway with their rockets?  If you ask anyone that GOD talks to,  if the Palestinians fight back with their poxy little wockets, they are asking for what they get.  Didn’t the rape of Ireland teach them anything?  Perhaps Arabs don’t read about Ireland in school, but at least they could listen to GOD,  I mean, they do have the internet don’t they???? Didn’t they get GOD’s tweet?  as in “hashtagIsrael…Jeeze Louise,  don’t those Palestines geddit?  I gaves the land to the Zionists,  wtf are they still doing there?  Should’t they all have just laid down and died by now?”

Actually, I have a confession to make.  GOD spoke to me.  He said:  “don’t forget to buy bin bags today”  oh shit no, that wasn’t god that was SIRI.

Ah, maybe this is where it has all gone wrong.  Maybe the Israelis are getting confused.  Maybe God isn’t speaking to them,  maybe it’s just a detached computerised voice with no soul instead?  Maybe they’ve all got their Siri function switched on and it has gone haywire.  Maybe they should have heard what the weather is going to be like in New York but instead they heard:  Take Palestine and rape the people? Easily done I suppose, those accents on Siri are hard to understand.

If you give a shit, there are groups in Denmark who get together and do little protests against G4 who are providing the lube for Israel’s GOD ORDAINED rape of Palestine.

But I would warn against such protest myself.  After all, isn’t a quiet life preferable to any kind of uprising.  Ah…JUL!!!!!

Only in Denmark…

Pigs shot clumsily and operated on live….

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2234625/Were-going-damage-lot-pigs-livers-Horrific-boast-battlefield-doctors-shoot-operate-injured-animals-Nato-base-NHS-surgeons-practice.html

 

fucking primitives.

 

Why Denmark is the best country in the world.

“Hi,  I found your blog searching for information about Denmark,  I am a 22 year old student who is just crazy about Denmark.  I have always been crazy about Denmark.  When I was a little girl my babysitter for a time was a Danish exchange student called Sxxxx,  she was such a sweet girl and would tell me lots of things about how great Denmark is.  We kept in touch for many years,  and my family even visited her family for a brief holiday,  so we got to see Denmark.  I guess it wasn’t the best time to visit, the weather was really bad that week and because it was winter it was very dark and gloomy,  but Sxxxx and her family very proudly showed us around in that time and I learned even more about Denmark.  Sxxxx often sent us little care packages from Denmark, with sweets and slippers and stuff…LAKRIDS!! Oh my god,  I love LAKRIDS.  I guess you could say I am Danish at heart.  

I watch The Killing and Borgen and now I have my own apartment I have tried to recreate the stylish Danish decor I saw on our visit to Denmark.  So I guess you can say I am a bit of a nut!  Anyway,  I recently got talking to a Danish guy on facebook,  funnily enough a distant relation of Silke’s,  who friended me through my friending her.  We started by having mildly flirtatious exchanges and this has rapidly snowballed.  He is so hot! I think I am in love.  We have arranged to meet when he comes to London just before Christmas. When we made this arrangement we were still sort of just friends,  online buddies with a slight flirty edge,  but in the short time since we made this arrangement the exchanges have got deeper and more meaningful.  When I look into his big blue eyes on Skype (we talk long into the night) and he tells me about Denmark and how it is a wonderful place to bring up children and how happy and outgoing everybody is,  I can’t shake the feeling that this is the man I am going to bear children with,  and that my destiny is Denmark. The only doubts I have are from the negative things I read on the internet about Denmark, I keep stumbling on comments or blogs that are written by people who seem to have had a really hard time in Denmark as foreginers,  but I think to myself,  true love conquers all, and those people, to dislike Denmark so much, must have other problems, possibly mental,  and that they just vent their fury on Denmark? I write to you to ask if you, knowing what you do, having spent many decades in Denmark, with Danish family and roots but an outside experience too,  even knowing what you do about the negative sides of Denmark,  if you could tell me,  all things considered …some good things about Denmark and why it has the reputation among many as being the best and happiest country in the world to live in.  My fate hangs on it!  No pressure.  Yours sincerely,  Xxxxxxx”

Woah!  Love happens fast doesn’t it. Ignore all the negative things I have said.  Here are some reasons why Denmark is the best country in the world to fall in love and live in:

  • number one for bestiality
  • number one for sperm export
  • number one for mink farming
  • number one for pig farming
  • best hospitals in the world
  • lowest suicide rate
  • IVF is free
  • college is free
  • pig liver pate is cheap
  • alcoholism is free
  • LAKRIDS
  • women are equal
  • everybody lives forever
  • no cancer
  • sex is free
  • streets are paved with gold

With so many reasons to move to Denmark my love,  I just can’t understand why you don’t propose to Mikkel when you meet him in December.  Go. Go and build your life in Denmark,  the place of dreams and equality and legal animal bordellos!

But please do keep a blog,  I have a feeling your story is going to be educational to all other women who fall in love and decide to relocate because Denmark is the best country in the world.

SUCKERRRS.

Mother-in-law query.

“Dear Babs,

Background: male, Danish wife,  one small child,  currently in Denmark.

My wife and I met when we were both working in London.  The moment I met her I just fell really hard,  there was something slow motion about those first few moments I saw her,  the way the light hit her hair,  her fresh skin,  her tinkling laugh.  She wasn’t like the English girls I was used to dating: she had a cute accent and a very relaxed attitude to her body,  and she brushed up really well as equally as she was happy to hang out with the lads in jeans.

It was a bit complicated as we were both with other people at the time,  we started a whirlwind romance,  that lead to something more serious, a spontaneous wedding  and our little son XXXXX was born eleven months later!!!

Shortly before his birth we moved over to Denmark so my wife could be nearer her mum and her ‘network’ and so she could ‘finish her education’ once the baby was born and because the Danish childcare system is the best in the world.

Since then,  we’ve had real intense problems with her mother,  and I just want to ask if this is normal? I feel very alone,  have put on shitloads of weight and begun to drink heavily,  although I don’t think this is connected to the mother in law,  it is very unlike me and I have started to deny Skype convo requests from friends back home in case they get concerned. I am also starting to feel trapped and angry as my recently announced that she has changed her mind about returning to the UK once her education is finished,  and in an argument about said issue she shouted at me that if I hate Denmark so much I should just leave.

Yours sincerely,

XXXXX